It works for me, or not…
June 23, 2008 | Category: I'm a DesignHER, I'm a Momma
My decision and opinion here is based solely on my family, my kids, my life situation. I know many moms who would love to stay home every day but due to their life circumstances cannot. I also know many moms who choose to work outside of the home, and that works for THEIR life circumstances. God has created every woman and every family with a special set of needs, and for that I am grateful. But here are my current thoughts on me and my family.
Before I had kids, I had a job that I worked like one billion hours a week. The really crazy part, I loved it. I would whine about it, we all did…but I was working a job that I really liked. Then I because pregnant (on God’s time, not mine). I wasn’t ready to throw in the towel on a career I really loved.
I went back to work…but only 3 days a week. I put my new little baby in daycare, with more tears from me than her on the first day. By the time she was almost one, I knew it wasn’t working out for us, we needed to find a different solution.
God opened another door! I was approached with a new opportunity. Here was the deal: I could work part time FROM HOME, oh, and I would make more money too. Let’s see…work from home part time, get more money, stay in pajamas and not shower. SOLD!!!
This is where I’ve been for over 2 years now. My situation has yet changed (another baby) and it’s getting increasingly difficult to do a good job balancing the Mommy with the Designer. I love both, but feel I rarely do either job well.
I get stressed out with trying to do everything perfectly. How can I be a full time mom (with all those responsibilities) and an Interior Designer that appears to have it all together. And what am I sacrificing to keep this career? Am I being selfish to my children by adding this extra element to our lives?
One of the main reasons I think about not working is the thought of loss. I know if something tragic happened, I would regret ever working and not being with them to the fullest. Dealing with the “what-if’s” lately have been keeping me up at night. Why can’t we see into the future so I would know exactly what to do.
The girls are only going to be this small just once. Am I going to regret not giving them my full attention? Right now they like me, want to spend time with me. In a heartbeat they will think I’m old and annoying, probably laugh at my dated clothes and hairstyle. They will beg me to just leave them alone, I suppose I could work then.
Anyway, I’m rambling now, probably making no sense. For now I will keep my work/life as it is. This was just some food for thought. I do love my job, I just wish there were about 8 extra hours in the day. That would be great.
Oh, and I’ve posted a little giveaway for you all…
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25 Responses to “It works for me, or not…”
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June 23rd, 2008 @ 12:26 pm
You seem to be good at balancing a lot of things and from what I can tell you are GREAT at keeping PK busy with fun activities during the day. You are a good mom! Whatever decision you make your kids will feel your love.
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June 23rd, 2008 @ 1:54 pm
I wrestle with this all the time, but as as single mom, I have no choice. I love my time with my daughter and probably cherish it more because we don’t spend our days together…still, I sometimes wish I could be with her every day.
I, too, am working really hard at not thinking too much about the what-ifs and just worrying about this moment. We do what we have to do, right?
Great post – helps to pause and reflect, if only for a moment.
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June 23rd, 2008 @ 2:07 pm
Fabulous post. I can honestly say that I can relate to it wholeheartedly. Though I’m a bit on the flip side. I’ve enjoyed staying at home with the girls, but now I feel as if I’m “out of the loop” of the working world, and feel as if I can’t ever return. Hubby is putting pressure on me. I feel the need to DO something for my family. Not just be wasted space. Whew! Sorry to let all that come out in the comments section.
ha ha!
P.S. I tagged you for a fun meme.
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June 23rd, 2008 @ 2:53 pm
Boy do I know that feeling! I have been soley an at-home mom for 6 1/2 years. The end of last year I decided to move forward with an idea that i had had a long time ago, to start my own girl’s clothing line and nusery linens and decor line. fast forward to now as I am trying to turn that idea into a company and I am feeling all kinds of quilt. I am barely started with my business and already feel awful about all of the time that it is taking away from my kids. I don’t want to put off this dream until they are all in school ful time but I don’t wan to feel bad all of the time either. Will it ever get any easier?!
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June 23rd, 2008 @ 4:25 pm
great post. i totally understand where you’re coming from… and i struggle with it every day. unfortunately, and after reading the comments, it doesn’t seem like anyone has the answer either. but i’m sure you’re doing a great job.
i keep having to remind myself to live for now, and not for what if. it’s hard to remember, but i do best if i just live for today and do the best job I can on only this day.
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June 23rd, 2008 @ 5:12 pm
It is such a struggle. I have been on both sides of it and it’s not easy on either side. It always seems like a hot topic/debate among those that have the choice to work or stay home. If you don’t have a choice, there’s no debating it. Once upon a time, I had a choice and chose to stay home. It was great, but my circumstances changes and now here I sit from my office.
You are probably being a bit hard on yourself; you’re not giving yourself credit for the great job you do at home with your kids.
On another note: I love your necklace in the picture you posted! It really popped out at me.
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June 23rd, 2008 @ 6:39 pm
I’ll be praying for you. It’s hard when you’re torn and all you want to do the the very best for everyone involved. Many prayers;)
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June 23rd, 2008 @ 8:00 pm
I really envy those people who feel like they have the perfect solution, whether they be a SAHM, WOHM, WAHM…
I stay home, by choice, but even though I made this choice, some days I wish I had a part-time job, just so I could earn money and have time away to be an adult.
It’s so hard to find a balance.
Great post.
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June 23rd, 2008 @ 8:08 pm
Thanks for the post! I’ve been spending lots of time thinking about this also. Wish it weren’t either of us…but glad it’s not just me!
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June 23rd, 2008 @ 8:38 pm
That is so tough! I work as a teacher so I’m off in the summer but do feel the guilt of not being home. I’m very fortunate because God has provided us with a nanny from our church, this year will be her 4th year with us. The kids love her and she really, really enjoys working with little ones.
When I begin to “over” worry about it, I always feel God letting me know He is in charge and will work everything out and He has so beautifully. Part of me really wishes I could be home with them but I know that God is also using me a lot in my student’s lives.
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June 24th, 2008 @ 1:17 am
I really believe there is no answer, parents need to make the decisions that satisfy their personal circumstances and no matter what the choice, you struggle.
But with that said, I just pose one question to everyone and that is, Look back at your own childhood and think about what you remember of your parents making ends meet and caring for you. Both my parents worked full time and honestly, now as a parent, I appreciate the efforts and sacrifices they made and I have an entire different way of looking at things.
I just hope that my kids look back on their childhood and realize that we did our best to cover them with clothes, food, a home, lots of love and laughter and raise sound, stable, happy people. If the basics are there, don’t sweat the small stuff- rejoice in it.
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June 24th, 2008 @ 1:46 am
Truly, the mother of all debates.
I do not regret being a SAHM. I do not miss the corporate world one iota. And I do not think I’ll ever, ever, ever go back.
But I have started working from home to help make ends meet and let me tell you, there are days that I WISH I could leave the house to get some work done. All the interruptions from the kids, dogs and life make a 30 minute job into a 3-day job.
There’s no good answer to this one. It’s what works for each.
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June 24th, 2008 @ 1:50 am
This comes from my heart….Yes, there are days when I see a video about a disabled child and seeing someone teach them how to walk that I get very teary….when I am in a room full of professionals and I forget all the “improtant” and “smart” things to say…i get a little down on myself……but NEVER for one second would I give up getting to be 100% available to my children to hear braeden fold his hands and say his prayers..all by himself…and to kiss that boo boo that lexie just got..as well as watch her fall to the floor to throw one of her many tantrums. I have learned well..that It takes A LOT of prayer to keep my patiene up for all my daily responsibilities as a mother, woman of God, homemaker, and wife. You are a GREAT mother Emily..but I can also understand your pain and extreme exhaustion…God will ead you to your decision…and know you will always be able to go back to being a designer because that IS HOW GOD MADE YOU, HE GAVE YOU THAT GIFT NOT THE WORLD AND HE WILL NOT TAKE IT AWAY. I love you
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June 24th, 2008 @ 2:10 am
For me it seemed to be a decision that was constantly evolving. First I was at home, then working outside the home, then in the home…I don’t believe that there is a right answer and I also think that it changes constantly depending on where you are and your children are in life.
It is funny because now that I have two teens I have an even greater desire to be home because I know that in only a few short years they will be leaving our home.
It is not easy… but as one wise woman once told me: Nothing is forever. You can always change your mind.
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June 24th, 2008 @ 3:55 am
Jeez Em. I just signed on to see a new picture of the girls and now I’m gonna be up all night, thanks. Seriously, did you see the Oprah with all the moms. The SAHM’s said they should have gotten a job because they were always so stressed and short with their kids and the mom’s who got up and went to work everyday said they regretted missing out on their children’s childhoods. It was so depressing! It’s not what you do, it’s the mindset you have about it. Pray about the decision, make one, and then each morning ask God for enough grace to get through the day, whatever you are doing. Your girls are thriving. You’re doing a great job. But if you don’t want to do it all, it’s okay to give yourself permission to take a break from the working world for a bit. Do what your heart tells you, but either way you’re gonna feel the pull. P.S. Nice Silpada!
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June 24th, 2008 @ 2:54 pm
I think working from home can be more difficult that working ouside the home. Your children are there as a constant reminder you are not giving you the attention. I always thought I didn’t need a job to fulfill me, all I wanted to do was have a family. But I loved my career. I think there is something to be said for doing something for yourself. If you are happy, you are a better mom. I’m enjoying not working right now, but will have to get a job when school starts again. Since my girls are all in school, it will be easier for me to go back to work. Thankfully it will only have to be part time.
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June 24th, 2008 @ 5:00 pm
Whenever I say I wish I still worked at the design firm I last worked at in Chicago, I know I’m lying. I worked a zillion hours there, like you, and it would rip my heart out to put the kids in childcare right now if I don’t really have to. But I find myself needing to feel like a more productive member of human society – because you know, creating a PERSON isn’t creative enough work for me.
We just converted our guest room into a studio for me, and my daughter Frannie pours over carpet samples and color sheets and drawings. It’s a struggle, that constant pull to be in there tweeking this drawing or that color scheme, but it’s nice that I can see the projects posted up when I walk by the door, so they’re in my consciousness, anyway.
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June 24th, 2008 @ 5:20 pm
Wow! Lots of opinions on this HOT topic! I have this debate in my mind constantly… but, the beauty of your line of work (and current job) is that you are home. Which means always around physically, just maybe not mentally. At least that’s how I feel as a work-from-home mom. But, regardless, it’s focused time away from the kiddos. Sometimes I think this working thing will ebb and flow. I’ll have seasons when I work and seasons when I don’t. Whatever decision you make isn’t final forever… just final for the stage you’re in. If financially you can swing it and you want to give the outside stuff a rest… I say go for it. God knows your heart and has gifted you creatively… I’m sure He’ll provide other opportunities for work in the future. Certainly don’t keep your current gig simply out of fear that you may not ever get something this good again. Just my two cents. Love ya!
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June 24th, 2008 @ 9:10 pm
This is an excellent post and one that perfectly captures the way that many moms feel about the work/life balancing act. As a WAHM, I go back-and-forth between thinking my current arrangement is ideal to wondering if I’m giving enough of my heart/time to my daughter. In the end, I don’t think there are any easy answers…
Thank you for sharing your experience. It was actually very encouraging because it reminded me that I’m not the only one.
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June 25th, 2008 @ 1:08 pm
ah yes, the age old debate that torments all of us women inside. i posted about this very thing not so long ago. i stay at home too, and i can work from home, if i pursue it more (i am a freelance journalist/writer). i don’t know if i should/want to/have to or not, there is something i feel i need and i am not sure what it is. i loved my career before i had children and left it and i miss it some. but daycare isn’t an option for me, i just can’t do it. so, again, what to do. sometimes i think if working is what i’m supposed to do, an opportunity will present itself. or not. see? i just don’t know.
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June 25th, 2008 @ 1:12 pm
i struggle too, different situation as everyones is, but the balance act no matter what to try and keep your life straight is what is difficult to find.
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June 25th, 2008 @ 2:05 pm
This is wonderfully written, and as a mom who has to work outside of the home (but doesn’t really want to!), I really appreciate that you acknowledge that this is what works best for you and your family. Whenever I read thoughts from women that every mom should stay home, that they can’t imagine how anyone could send a child to daycare, it breaks my heart, because the bottom line is this: just like moms who stay home for the good of their family, I work outside of the home for the good of my family. And I think that as human beings, we should be able to appreciate that we’re all doing the best we can for our own situations.
Still, I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t wish I had a job that would allow me to do work from home!
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June 26th, 2008 @ 2:48 am
That is a really hard one. I am a SAHM that does just one project at a time (design) to keep my brain going. It works for me to have occasional adult conversation and people that listen to my opinion and it works for the kids not to spend much time apart from me. You may have to experiment a bit to see what truly works for you.
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June 27th, 2008 @ 12:56 am
I think as moms we just need to find balance.. ive seen so many moms use daycare and child care as a means to do what they want… and i mean non work related… i think thats very sad….
for us my staying home is a must. im thankful i can do my photographing tho because its nice making a little for the family.
btw i love that photo of you!!
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June 29th, 2008 @ 1:58 am
I struggled with the same thing and in the end decided to stay home. I might look for into some small-time money making opportunities to cover my spending cash, but I decided that staying home was the best choice for my family.
You will probably always struggle with trying to have it all… I hope you can find some more peace and balance.
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