I’ve recently been thinking a lot about my “home team” and what that looks like. Who’s on my home team, and who’s home team am I on?
Who’s on my home team? People that even when they find out how flawed and broken I am, they still accept me. People I would call, no matter what hour of the day it was, if the unimaginable were to ever happen. People I would bend over backwards for, no matter how bad it hurt. People that it would be ok to do “the ugly cry” in front of.
I believe the size of my team is ever evolving, and key players might come and go from season to season. Despite my openness on the blog, I’m a pretty private and introverted person. So my home team? Is probably smaller than yours.
The players on my team are so important to me. Without each of them, I would surely fumble at this game called life. Or at least a life worth living.
I’m scared. What if the people on my team, the people I hold dearest to my heart, don’t know they’re on my team? Because I don’t tell them how important they are to me. Because I don’t make adequate time for them. What if I don’t completely know who’s on my team? Because I don’t ever stop long enough to figure it out.
Their phone calls/emails/messages get pushed aside. Visits are far and few between, and often rescheduled. It’s scary how easy it is to justify my actions, because I assume that they will love me no matter what, they’re on my team! Right?
I don’t have family in town. Although my family will always be on my team, I really rely on relationships and friendships I’ve built in town for my everyday team.
When Gage was born, I called a friend (who has her own 4 kids), to come over at 2:30 in the morning. What would I have done without her?
When I was in labor (natural labor, which apparently gives me “crazy eyes”) I trusted one of my best friends to be there, and document it all.
When I had a flat tire and my husband didn’t pick up his work phone, I called her. I also did the ugly cry to her, when I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant with PK, over 6 years ago.
And when I post about my feelings on the blog, she always follows up with a phone call. Or walks a vodka tonic over to my house in a to-go cup. She’s not nosy, she just cares.
I believe having a huge group of somewhat close friends is ok. But I also 100% believe it’s important to realize who those special people are in your life. The ones that got your back, no matter what.
I’ve been out of the game for awhile. Hopefully the team is forgiving, and this season will be better. I’m ready for a comeback.
*this post was inspired by a chapter in the book, Bittersweet, by Shauna Niequist. Take my advice, it’s a must read.