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To Find Out, or Not to Find Out. |

To Find Out, or Not to Find Out.

One week from today we go to the doctor for the “big appointment”. The one where we get a sneak peek into how our little one is doing. The appointment where 80% of expectant parents find out the gender.

We’ve always avoided checking out the “bits”. For us, beating hearts and growing limbs have been the only reason for the ultrasound. You know, the important stuff.

the ellings

I absolutely cannot believe that I’ll be the mom to four children. More specifically, I cannot believe I’ll be responsible for four people. Responsibility is not one of my strong quality, this might not end well.

Over the course of the next seven days, we must make a concrete decision. We’ve been hee hawing around about it for what feels like eternity, and I need to make up my mind once and for all.

Do we find out the  gender of this baby at the ultrasound or not?

It’s a yes or no question. Why is this so hard?

I’m so on the fence about it. I feel like if I find out, I’m being super naughty and potentially spoiling something really sweet. Like discovering what I’m getting for Christmas, in October. Or “doing it” before you’re actually married. You know, things that are better off if you just have a little restraint and wait it out.

PRO’s to finding out:

  • We can bond with little person a little more if we know, or at least that’s what I’ve convinced myself of.
  • We can decide on one name instead of two. Names are hard for us.
  • Organization. Get Gage’s room more specifically ready for either a boy or girl. Get rid of either the boy or girls clothes I’ve been hanging onto and won’t now need.
  • There are a few gender specific things I would like to buy. Like cloth diapers and important stuff only found on on Heartsy, Zulily or The Mini Social. Oh no way. (And oh yeah, those are affiliate links, but not because I like to shop discount or anything)
  • We’ve never found out before, I want to know how it feels to know beforehand!

PRO’s to waiting:

  • Not finding out is like a license to be lazy. Can’t go shopping for clothes, can’t design a gender specific nursery.
  • The most amazing and euphoric feeling of hearing “it’s a boy” or “it’s a girl”. ’nuff said.
  • What if you decide to find out, and the ultrasound tech is WRONG! Pretty sure if you wait, you can’t be wrong. Or right.

So I’ve created a poll. Majority rules, and we will do whatever the majority decides. How’s that for power?!

Should we find out the gender at the ultrasound?

View Results Create a Blog Poll

Sugar momma dating

And no, I cannot be bribed after the verdict is in. My mother-in-law has already tried to bribe us into doing it her way, and I will not bend. Unless that is, if she wants to buy us a minivan. Come on, I’m not stupid or anything…




  1. “The most amazing and euphoric feeling of hearing “it’s a boy” or “it’s a girl”. ’nuff said.”

    That same feeling can happen at the ultrasound. And the birth of your child is no less euphoric having already known. I say spread out the euphoria!


  2. We didn’t want to know with Giggles (although they told us anyway because I guess who doesn’t want to know). We tried for find out with The Chicken, but she is stubborn and wouldn’t cooperate. I say since you have 3 already, it would make planning that much easier, you know for me, to send you a little something something…LOL.
    domestic extraordinaire recently posted..The post in which I tell you about how I would never let my dog loose in Victoria’s Secret or the Jockey factory


  3. Susan Alberda says:

    You know you don’t have to find out seven days from now. If you’re still unsure, put it in an envelope w/ some ground rules that both parties agree to. Jay and I both had to want to do it, we had to give it 24 hours from the “I need to see what’s in there!” moment, etc. Just do what feels best to you, both answers are easily the right one.


  4. Our “big appointment” is coming up soon too! We are definitely finding out & I’m planning on hosting a little “gender reveal” party for the fam from ideas I’ve found on pinterest (which ironically include the little “mustache on a stick” like you have in your above pic).

    While it is totally up to you, I think you’ll be glad to find out and prepare the room, pick out a name, etc ahead of time. Also, like you said, since you waited until delivery with the other 3, why not find out what it feels like to find out early for once? I also think the kids will have fun being able to call baby “brother” or “sister.”


  5. I would have been fine either way, but my husband wanted to find out…so we went to one of those places with a big screen TV and leather couches (um, hello, catering to husbands, much???) and when our tech said it was a girl? We flipped the flip out. And I cried. So, I say, you still get that fun euphoric feeling – just not as your “prize” for crossing the finish line.

    I loved planning for her and calling her by name. And boy did it make the whole name thing easier, because we could NOT find a boy’s name. But that said? I think I want to wait next time. I want to experience it BOTH ways 🙂


  6. I agree — it’s really exciting to find out at the ultrasound! I think the birth itself is full of surprises about the little one — what he or she will look like, what color the hair will be (or bald!), what the voice sounds like, etc. You can still let the name be a surprise to everyone else.

    We found out with both children. With our second child, I think it helped our first child understand a little bit more, because we told him he was having a baby sister and her name was Vivienne.
    Kacie recently posted..We asked for a lower interest rate and got one for free


  7. I always have to tell my story about finding out. We went for the appointment and were going to find out. The doctor told us we were having a girl. So, we were preparing for a girl. I figured I was all good because I grew up with 3 sisters, no brothers in the house, a girl would be easy because that is what I know.
    I had a strange feeling in my heart that it would be a boy, but, hey, the doctor knows what is he talking about, right, I mean, he went to school for it.
    Anyway, I had some showers, got a bunch of girls clothes. We painted the room more neutral and the big stuff we bought was very neutral.
    Well, we had the baby and the doctor said, “Congratulations, it is a healthy boy!”
    What, a boy? Yes, my son will be turning 4 the end of next month and I wouldn’t trade him for a girl. As far as the next one, I am still on the fence about finding out. It might be safer to just make sure the baby is healthy…


  8. I wish I knew what to offer, but I don’t. It is ultimately your decision. We did find out, but like you, I didn’t know that I really did or didn’t want to find out. We went into our appointment and before the technician made the announcement, I’d already seen Grant’s nugget on the screen while she was making bone length measurements.

    Cloth diapers are fun! I need to sit down and hammer out posts on our experience. I’m a solid color kind of gal, but there are some cute prints.
    lalalovely recently posted..Homemade Ice Cream


  9. I say find out simply because you didn’t find out with the others. Then you know both ways 😉 And….the organization is awesome!! Like you said above, you can weed out the “unnecessary”. Oohhhh, I can’t wait to see! OR, do a little party like I did! It was SO fun! Or vlog it with balloons. Have someone put the pink or blue balloons in a box and open them via vlog. I have so many ideas if you find out 😉


  10. I can’t believe you’re doing this. What happened to the surprise gender shower?!
    Katie recently posted..I *might* need an intervention.


  11. TiffanyinSF says:

    I’ve actually struggled with this same question and I think I have settled on finding out ahead of time BUT making some sort of celebration around the reveal. Basically, a gender reveal party but just for the family. You could do the cake thing and you, your husband and kids could all find out together.


  12. I voted to wait. You did it three times, you can do it again. You are so powerful and I look up to you in that. BUT…it is a surprise no matter when you find out you know? Love you!
    Kim recently posted..Layla, New Baby Goodness


  13. I say yes, cuz you already have some of each. The time for surprises is over 😉


  14. I only want you to find out so I can shop for it ahead of time. LOL!
    Karen Sugarpants recently posted..Catch a Falling Star and Put It In Your Pocket…


  15. I LOVED finding out. I kind of don’t want to find out next time though…because with two boys, i think I would be disappointed if it wasn’t a girl but at the same time I might completely freak out to find out I’m going to have to raise a girl. Being surprised will probably be the best option for me next time. But in your situation…you should find out. Seems more practical and it REALLY is fun to find out while they are still in your belly. Its very special still! 🙂
    Shelly Coulter recently posted..You Capture : Ordinary Moments


  16. Out of my 4 kids, I found out twice. Found out with the 1st, didn’t with the 2nd, didn’t with the 3rd, did with the 4th. I had my reasons (many of them were similar to yours) and I’ll just say this: No one birth was more or less special than the other.

    Also, it was really nice to be able to consign all that boy stuff that I knew I didn’t need! I made a nice profit from finding out ahead of time and used that money to decorate her room. Win-win, really.

    A friend of mine had her OB write it down and then they opened the sealed envelope as a family that night. They let her older child read it to everyone. If I were doing it all over again, I’d probably lean toward doing that.
    Bridget recently posted..Nekkid is what makes happy.


  17. I could never wait to know~ I am weak!


  18. I too LOVED finding out! It was honestly as big a moment as finding out I was pregnant to begin with. Okay – that’s a tiny exageration, but really, it was HUGE. And it was such a wonderful feeling, being able to have that bond with my daughter for the next 20 weeks. Plus, I got to call her by her name, which was so special. That being said, since you’ve waited all three times prior, will you feel “disappointed” or “disconnected” without that big moment at the finale? You’ll do what’s right for you! But as for me, I’m ALWAYS finding out (plus, I’m totally OCD, so not knowing isn’t an option!).
    Melissa recently posted..There’s a party in my belly


  19. By the way, we sent the gender to a baker who baked in the answer – pink or blue? It was SO much fun to have the whole fam around to see the answer!!! Cheesey? TOTALLY. Worth it? Yup.
    Melissa recently posted..There’s a party in my belly


  20. Laura Tolbert says:

    We found out with two and waited with one, and I didn’t really think there was that much difference in excitment on the day of the birth–we were just looking forward to seeing that new baby! I really wanted to find out what David was beforehand, because I thought it would be really fun and special to get to be there with the older ones and see their faces when they heard if it was a boy or a girl, and odds are, they would not be in the labor and delivery room day-of. It was really fun to have the whole family find out who was coming into our family together. 🙂


  21. I say wait. But that’s just me!
    AmazingGreis recently posted..Wordless Wednesday – Weather Envy…


  22. Love the family pic… I’m right there with you about being a little freaked out that you’re (I’m) responsible for 4 kiddos… somedays I look around and this WHOSE kids are these and WHOSE house am I in???? LOL… just days when the kids are running circles around me and it looks like the maid has been on vacation!

    I”ve always found out… I’ve loved the chance to bond before baby is in my arms;) And it has given the siblings a chance to bond as well;)


  23. Love that photo!!!!

    And I voted for finding out. Mostly for selfish reasons. ;P


  24. Since you’ve never found out before, I think you’ve earned a FIND OUT card this time around. Just sayin.

    And could y’all be a cuter family? I think not.
    ClassyFabSarah recently posted..Hawaii: Pearl Harbor


  25. I may not win at the potty debate BUT I’M WINNING THIS ONE!
    moosh in indy. recently posted..“you are stronger than anything broken inside of you.”


  26. I love that photo of your family so much! How wonderful. I voted don’t find out even tho we found out with 3 out of our 4. If I had MY way, they would all have been surprises. But Jeff wanted to know. I admit finding out Ivy was a girl was pretty awesome. Do what YOU want!




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