When silly ideas become stupid ideas that result in me vomiting
December 18, 2011 | Category: I'm a Momma
So you know how my girls are all into that stupid silly Elf on a Shelf? Ours creepster of an elf is named Edward, and Edward has been getting desperate for ideas to hide himself at night.
So Edward had an idea, he decided to hit the blogs and copy a brilliant idea he saw on his friend Allison’s site. Why not take an epic poop on the potty? And since he’s all magical and stuff, he’ll even poop Hershey kisses!
Such an awesome idea! It’s going to be so funny! Piper and Nola will laugh about it for days!
So that’s what he does:
(this guy has no shame)
(chocolate kiss poopies, because he’s full of magic)
*********************
Around 7am is where this totally brilliant idea becomes a very VERY bad decision made on my part, their mother.
True to form, my girls got up about 30 minutes earlier than I did, and go searching for Edward. Yes, they find Edward on the crapper. Yes, they find his green bag with their intended gift (barbie band aids!). And yes, they see that Edward took a magical candy poop. So funny!
So when I finally get up, I inquire about the compromising position Edward was found in.
Me: did you find Edward?
Them: Yes! He was on the potty, and he pooped chocolate!
Me: that’s so silly! Did you flush the toilet for him? Because when it’s brown, we flush it down…
Them: Yes! But I took out the chocolate, washed them off in the sink, and ate them.
Me: (dry heaving) OMG YOU ABSOLUTELY DID NOT DO THAT! WE DO NOT EAT FOOD FLOATING IN THE TOILET! YOU DID NOT DO THAT! YOU’RE KIDDING RIGHT?
Seriously, I am beyond words. I mean, I should have seen it coming, why wouldn’t a seven year old know not to eat candy floating in the toilet bowl?
I’ve decided I’m going to pretend this little event never happened. I really hate that elf.
*I stole Allison’s elf potty photos, I did exactly what she did, I just couldn’t bring myself to reenacting it, I’m already on the verge of suffering severe PTSD because of living through this event.
**now entered in the inappropriate Elf contest. Maybe eating out of the potty will win us an iPad2 or something! Please vote for me, I’m entry #104. Winning something would make me feel so much better about this whole ordeal.
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December 18th, 2011 @ 4:14 pm
Emily, it is wrong of me to laugh as much as I am right now, but holy crap. That is the funniest thing I think I’ve ever read.
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Rianna Perry Reply:
December 19th, 2011 at 12:56 am
@Katie,
Holy crap???? HAHAHAHAHAHA! Now THAT is funny!
Emily, that was hilarious. Thanks for making my night!
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December 18th, 2011 @ 4:16 pm
Oh EW (I could totally see that happening, though.
thepsychobabble recently posted..If you judged me based on my purse
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December 18th, 2011 @ 4:21 pm
HAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!
xoxo
Allison Zapata recently posted..Elf On The…Crapper?
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December 18th, 2011 @ 4:21 pm
ZOMG, I’m laughing to the point of tears. And this one of those rare posts I made my husband read, too. We’re both cracking up!
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December 18th, 2011 @ 4:23 pm
hey. at least she knew to wash them off in the sink.
Rebekah recently posted..just being.
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December 18th, 2011 @ 4:24 pm
oh my gosh.
i am cracking up….
because EW. and funny!
and this is so black mail for when he brings girlfriends home!
or maybe even when he stays out past curfew? go join him at lunch and tell all his friends this as punishment…..
sidnie recently posted..a dollhouse
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sidnie Reply:
December 18th, 2011 at 4:26 pm
oops!
i say “he” cause i have two boys. it’s on my brain.
i know you have boys and girls.
they.
when they bring girlfriends/boyfriends home. and when they stay out past curfew.
xo.
sidnie recently posted..a dollhouse
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December 18th, 2011 @ 4:26 pm
Dude. You totally asked for it. How could you not know that children will pull chocolate out of their own *ss and eat it?
Katy (KatySheCooks) recently posted..San Francisco. Go ye, therefore, and eat.
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December 18th, 2011 @ 4:27 pm
My husband just DIED laughing after I read this out loud to him.
Daisy recently posted..Hair Today
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December 18th, 2011 @ 4:30 pm
How am I ever supposed to eat Hershey kisses EVER AGAIN?
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] recently posted..Claire Kong
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December 18th, 2011 @ 4:32 pm
occasionally, we would put cheerios in the toilet to help elijah aim better…never thought about the fact that lazzy would SO eat them up should elijah ever forget to flush!
note to self: do NOT do this. ever!
thanks for preventing so man other parents and kids out there from making this same mistake
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December 18th, 2011 @ 4:47 pm
As I’m sitting here laughing my ass off and crying, reading the story out loud for my husband, he is saying, “Our kids wouldn’t do that. They would never do that.” As though he’s trying to convince himself.
Shirley recently posted..Whoa…
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December 18th, 2011 @ 4:47 pm
HA. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAA.
*scratches this idea of of Elf on the Shelf Ideas Sheet*
Meghan recently posted..Sometimes, “Americans” Make Me Sick. Also, Lowe’s.
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December 18th, 2011 @ 4:55 pm
Oh my goodness I just laughed so hard I almost peed. I can’t stop. I’m dying. I’m sure they’ll be fine and you will be able to torment them with this tale in years to come
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December 18th, 2011 @ 5:04 pm
I shouldn’t have read this post, I shouldn’t have read this post GAG, gag, gag I shouldn’t have read this post LOL!!!
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December 18th, 2011 @ 5:07 pm
Oh em gee. I nearly lost it myself!
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December 18th, 2011 @ 5:13 pm
See this is why we don’t do any elves on shelves at this house. I am sure my kids would have done something very similar if I tried to be creative like that.
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December 18th, 2011 @ 5:16 pm
And when she doesn’t get into Harvard? This is why.
At least you have something to blame.
moosh in indy. recently posted..comparing apples…to older formerly baby apples.
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December 18th, 2011 @ 5:18 pm
We do not have an Elf on a Shelf. Clearly I need to pick one up the week after Christmas in the clearance bin. Because… well, I’m NOT Supermom, and so Elfy needs to be very, very… interesting.
That being said, I have made a mental note to self to 1. Do not use poo-props. And 2. Never eat a Hershey’s kiss again. Because they’re elf poop.
Not Supermom recently posted..Today, I Feel Like Not-Death
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December 18th, 2011 @ 5:22 pm
Oh God. I’m laughing and dry heaving.
Erin recently posted..Light for the Holidays
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December 18th, 2011 @ 5:51 pm
Oh my gosh…I will never be able to eat Hershey’s kisses EVER AGAIN.
That being said, this was brilliant. Love it.
Kristen recently posted..Something smells funky.
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December 18th, 2011 @ 6:35 pm
Oh ACK. By ACK I mean BARF. I think your idea of not thinking about this is a good one. And when you do think about it, tell yourself you cleaned the toilet really well the day before. Even if you don’t remember doing it: YOU DID. YOU DID.
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December 18th, 2011 @ 7:26 pm
I’m sorry, but that is hilarious. I know my boys would totally do the same thing…
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December 18th, 2011 @ 7:51 pm
O_O
That is all I’ve got.
Oh wait…
::runs to bathroom with hand over mouth::
Katie recently posted..Sluiter Nation is Decked
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December 18th, 2011 @ 9:35 pm
That is too funny! At least it wasn’t real poop. They’ll be fine.
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December 18th, 2011 @ 9:37 pm
ROFLMBO why did I so see that coming. That was my first thought when I saw it.. ummm just gotta hope the kid doesn’t eat it.. wow.. yeah peroxide toothpaste and mouthwash for the next week huh.
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December 18th, 2011 @ 9:48 pm
On the one hand, I haven’t got an elf on my shelf, my toilet, or in my Christmas tree. And I’m really glad about that. On the other hand, if I DID have one, I’m sure I would do something like this to the same disgusting results.
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December 18th, 2011 @ 9:49 pm
LOL’ing for real! But also, ewww. Note to self: don’t put candy in the toilet.
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December 18th, 2011 @ 9:49 pm
Oh now THIS is amazing!!!
So so much funny!! (because it did not happen to me…obvs)
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December 18th, 2011 @ 9:50 pm
That is freaking hilarious…not for you, of course, and not for your kiddos…but it’s so hard not to laugh.
At least they washed it first and it was actually chocolate!
Krystyn recently posted..Easy treats with mommy and a recipe | Mommy and Me Monday | The 96th ed.
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December 18th, 2011 @ 9:53 pm
Ok, that is some funny shiznit, no pun intended, of course…
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December 18th, 2011 @ 9:55 pm
Do these elves creep anyone else out? Their eyes are creepy!
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December 18th, 2011 @ 10:04 pm
I feel partially responsible for this revolting turn of events. I suggested to Allison on FB to “use Hersyes kisses for turds.” little did I know it would lead to such horror. I must go drown my sorrows in ice cream. Vanilla. ; p
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December 18th, 2011 @ 10:09 pm
I can only imagine how traumatized you are.
Sadly, this is something that my children would do.
We have this Elf but ours stays in the box and has never met our children. I am totally fine with that.
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December 19th, 2011 @ 12:11 am
I am dying for you!! EWWWWW!
AmazingGreis recently posted..Today, She’s ONE…
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December 19th, 2011 @ 7:35 am
Gag. Me. With. A. Spoon.
(as my granny used to say)
Hoping your toilets are a lot cleaner than mine.
Beth recently posted..A Vice
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December 19th, 2011 @ 8:07 am
LOL you poor thing. I would be traumatized and would be immediately sanitizing my child’s mouth
Soo glad my son wants no part of the whole elf thing. Seems like a lot of work 
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December 19th, 2011 @ 8:59 am
LOVE it – mine only left green pee in the toilet!
Kelly
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December 19th, 2011 @ 9:36 am
so funny. oh my gosh, so funny.
Katie recently posted..Soda Cracker Candy
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December 19th, 2011 @ 9:43 am
OMG noooooooooooooooooooo! LOL
Steph
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December 19th, 2011 @ 10:55 am
wow. I am just speechless.
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December 19th, 2011 @ 11:39 am
In my 12yo sons words “epic”
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December 19th, 2011 @ 3:40 pm
Halfway through this post, I started laughing out loud (right here at work), because I knew what was coming!
Totally hilarious. In a disgusting, revolting way!
But hey, at least she washed them off first!
Bwahahaha!
punkinmama recently posted..wordless wednesday: breakfast with santa
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December 19th, 2011 @ 3:41 pm
Oh. My. God. NOOOOO!!!!
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December 19th, 2011 @ 4:17 pm
Oh. My. Gosh.
Sooooooo funny!!! And disgusting. ROFL.
Susan (5 Minutes for Mom) recently posted..Kwik Media Photo Books
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December 19th, 2011 @ 4:37 pm
LMAO!!! Followed a link here and seriously my face hurts from smiling and laughing so hard!!! This story totally made my day and I will definitely be sharing it! LOL Thank you!
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December 20th, 2011 @ 9:25 am
Ugh. Ick. What were they thinking? “hmmm…..breakfast in a bowl!”. Uh wrong kind of bowl kid!
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December 21st, 2011 @ 1:34 pm
GROSS!!!
LOL!!!
(OK, so I’m really just mad I didn’t think of doing this first!)
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December 25th, 2011 @ 8:41 pm
omg.. gagging..
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November 28th, 2012 @ 10:48 am
[...] and seeing the decorated tree, watching the kids search for that damn elf (also worth noting, the elf absolutely will not be using the toilet this year) is one small way I’m trying to overcome my [...]
December 3rd, 2012 @ 3:45 pm
[...] elf. I LOVEed Babies Rabies Inappropriate Elf contest last year. My favorite entry was from Emily at Design Her Mama. (chocolate kiss poopies, because he’s full of magic) /* Pass It [...]
January 23rd, 2013 @ 5:56 am
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result in me vomiting | DesignHER Momma”, do you care in the event that I
actually work with some of your own points?
With thanks ,Mickey
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