When silly ideas become stupid ideas that result in me vomiting

So you know how my girls are all into that stupid silly Elf on a Shelf? Ours creepster of an elf is named Edward, and Edward has been getting desperate for ideas to hide himself at night.

So Edward had an idea, he decided to hit the blogs and copy a brilliant idea he saw on his friend Allison’s site. Why not take an epic poop on the potty? And since he’s all magical and stuff, he’ll even poop Hershey kisses!

Such an awesome idea! It’s going to be so funny! Piper and Nola will laugh about it for days!

So that’s what he does:

elf crap 300x300 When silly ideas become stupid ideas that result in me vomiting

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(this guy has no shame)

elf poopie 300x300 When silly ideas become stupid ideas that result in me vomiting

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(chocolate kiss poopies, because he’s full of magic)

*********************

Around 7am is where this totally brilliant idea becomes a very VERY bad decision made on my part, their mother.

True to form, my girls got up about 30 minutes earlier than I did, and go searching for Edward. Yes, they find Edward on the crapper. Yes, they find his green bag with their intended gift (barbie band aids!). And yes, they see that Edward took a magical candy poop. So funny!

So when I finally get up, I inquire about the compromising position Edward was found in.

Me: did you find Edward?

Them: Yes! He was on the potty, and he pooped chocolate!

Me: that’s so silly! Did you flush the toilet for him? Because when it’s brown, we flush it down…

Them: Yes! But I took out the chocolate, washed them off in the sink, and ate them.

Me: (dry heaving) OMG YOU ABSOLUTELY DID NOT DO THAT! WE DO NOT EAT FOOD FLOATING IN THE TOILET! YOU DID NOT DO THAT! YOU’RE KIDDING RIGHT?

Seriously, I am beyond words. I mean, I should have seen it coming, why wouldn’t a seven year old know not to eat candy floating in the toilet bowl?

I’ve decided I’m going to pretend this little event never happened. I really hate that elf.

*I stole Allison’s elf potty photos, I did exactly what she did, I just couldn’t bring myself to reenacting it, I’m already on the verge of suffering severe PTSD because of living through this event.

**now entered in the inappropriate Elf contest. Maybe eating out of the potty will win us an iPad2 or something! Please vote for me, I’m entry #104. Winning something would make me feel so much better about this whole ordeal.

Comments

comments

Comments

  1. Emily, it is wrong of me to laugh as much as I am right now, but holy crap. That is the funniest thing I think I’ve ever read.
    Katie recently posted..Vacation Update, Part 1

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    Rianna Perry Reply:

    @Katie,

    Holy crap???? HAHAHAHAHAHA! Now THAT is funny!

    Emily, that was hilarious. Thanks for making my night!

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  2. Oh EW (I could totally see that happening, though.
    thepsychobabble recently posted..If you judged me based on my purse

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  3. HAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

    xoxo
    Allison Zapata recently posted..Elf On The…Crapper?

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  4. ZOMG, I’m laughing to the point of tears. And this one of those rare posts I made my husband read, too. We’re both cracking up!

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  5. hey. at least she knew to wash them off in the sink. :)
    Rebekah recently posted..just being.

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  6. oh my gosh.
    i am cracking up….

    because EW. and funny!

    and this is so black mail for when he brings girlfriends home!
    or maybe even when he stays out past curfew? go join him at lunch and tell all his friends this as punishment…..
    :)
    sidnie recently posted..a dollhouse

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    sidnie Reply:

    oops!

    i say “he” cause i have two boys. it’s on my brain.
    i know you have boys and girls. :)
    they.
    when they bring girlfriends/boyfriends home. and when they stay out past curfew.

    xo.
    sidnie recently posted..a dollhouse

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  7. Dude. You totally asked for it. How could you not know that children will pull chocolate out of their own *ss and eat it?
    Katy (KatySheCooks) recently posted..San Francisco. Go ye, therefore, and eat.

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  8. My husband just DIED laughing after I read this out loud to him.
    Daisy recently posted..Hair Today

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  9. How am I ever supposed to eat Hershey kisses EVER AGAIN?
    Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] recently posted..Claire Kong

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  10. occasionally, we would put cheerios in the toilet to help elijah aim better…never thought about the fact that lazzy would SO eat them up should elijah ever forget to flush!

    note to self: do NOT do this. ever!

    thanks for preventing so man other parents and kids out there from making this same mistake :)

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  11. As I’m sitting here laughing my ass off and crying, reading the story out loud for my husband, he is saying, “Our kids wouldn’t do that. They would never do that.” As though he’s trying to convince himself.
    Shirley recently posted..Whoa…

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  12. HA. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAA.

    *scratches this idea of of Elf on the Shelf Ideas Sheet*
    Meghan recently posted..Sometimes, “Americans” Make Me Sick. Also, Lowe’s.

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  13. Oh my goodness I just laughed so hard I almost peed. I can’t stop. I’m dying. I’m sure they’ll be fine and you will be able to torment them with this tale in years to come :)

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  14. I shouldn’t have read this post, I shouldn’t have read this post GAG, gag, gag I shouldn’t have read this post LOL!!!

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  15. Oh em gee. I nearly lost it myself!

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  16. See this is why we don’t do any elves on shelves at this house. I am sure my kids would have done something very similar if I tried to be creative like that. ;)

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  17. And when she doesn’t get into Harvard? This is why.
    At least you have something to blame.
    moosh in indy. recently posted..comparing apples…to older formerly baby apples.

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  18. We do not have an Elf on a Shelf. Clearly I need to pick one up the week after Christmas in the clearance bin. Because… well, I’m NOT Supermom, and so Elfy needs to be very, very… interesting.

    That being said, I have made a mental note to self to 1. Do not use poo-props. And 2. Never eat a Hershey’s kiss again. Because they’re elf poop.
    Not Supermom recently posted..Today, I Feel Like Not-Death

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  19. Oh God. I’m laughing and dry heaving.
    Erin recently posted..Light for the Holidays

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  20. Oh my gosh…I will never be able to eat Hershey’s kisses EVER AGAIN.

    That being said, this was brilliant. Love it.
    Kristen recently posted..Something smells funky.

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  21. Oh ACK. By ACK I mean BARF. I think your idea of not thinking about this is a good one. And when you do think about it, tell yourself you cleaned the toilet really well the day before. Even if you don’t remember doing it: YOU DID. YOU DID.

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  22. I’m sorry, but that is hilarious. I know my boys would totally do the same thing…

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  23. O_O

    That is all I’ve got.

    Oh wait…

    ::runs to bathroom with hand over mouth::
    Katie recently posted..Sluiter Nation is Decked

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  24. That is too funny! At least it wasn’t real poop. They’ll be fine.
    Glamamom recently posted..AMERICAN LIVING | MADE FOR GIVING {SPONSORED}

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  25. ROFLMBO why did I so see that coming. That was my first thought when I saw it.. ummm just gotta hope the kid doesn’t eat it.. wow.. yeah peroxide toothpaste and mouthwash for the next week huh.

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  26. On the one hand, I haven’t got an elf on my shelf, my toilet, or in my Christmas tree. And I’m really glad about that. On the other hand, if I DID have one, I’m sure I would do something like this to the same disgusting results.
    Jessie Powell recently posted..Divorce: A Love Story

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  27. LOL’ing for real! But also, ewww. Note to self: don’t put candy in the toilet. :)

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  28. mrshiggison says:

    Oh now THIS is amazing!!!
    So so much funny!! (because it did not happen to me…obvs)

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  29. That is freaking hilarious…not for you, of course, and not for your kiddos…but it’s so hard not to laugh.

    At least they washed it first and it was actually chocolate!
    Krystyn recently posted..Easy treats with mommy and a recipe | Mommy and Me Monday | The 96th ed.

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  30. Ok, that is some funny shiznit, no pun intended, of course…
    Julie {Angry Julie Monday} recently posted..Project 365: Week 50

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  31. Do these elves creep anyone else out? Their eyes are creepy!
    S Club Mama recently posted..boxing

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  32. I feel partially responsible for this revolting turn of events. I suggested to Allison on FB to “use Hersyes kisses for turds.” little did I know it would lead to such horror. I must go drown my sorrows in ice cream. Vanilla. ; p
    Kim recently posted..Lady, them ain’t Pop Rocks

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  33. I can only imagine how traumatized you are.

    Sadly, this is something that my children would do.

    We have this Elf but ours stays in the box and has never met our children. I am totally fine with that.

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  34. I am dying for you!! EWWWWW!
    AmazingGreis recently posted..Today, She’s ONE…

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  35. Gag. Me. With. A. Spoon.

    (as my granny used to say)

    Hoping your toilets are a lot cleaner than mine.
    Beth recently posted..A Vice

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  36. LOL you poor thing. I would be traumatized and would be immediately sanitizing my child’s mouth ;) Soo glad my son wants no part of the whole elf thing. Seems like a lot of work :)

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  37. LOVE it – mine only left green pee in the toilet!
    Kelly

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  38. so funny. oh my gosh, so funny.
    Katie recently posted..Soda Cracker Candy

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  39. OMG noooooooooooooooooooo! LOL

    Steph

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  40. wow. I am just speechless.

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  41. In my 12yo sons words “epic”

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  42. Halfway through this post, I started laughing out loud (right here at work), because I knew what was coming!

    Totally hilarious. In a disgusting, revolting way!

    But hey, at least she washed them off first!

    Bwahahaha!
    punkinmama recently posted..wordless wednesday: breakfast with santa

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  43. Oh. My. God. NOOOOO!!!!

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  44. Oh. My. Gosh.

    Sooooooo funny!!! And disgusting. ROFL.
    Susan (5 Minutes for Mom) recently posted..Kwik Media Photo Books

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  45. LMAO!!! Followed a link here and seriously my face hurts from smiling and laughing so hard!!! This story totally made my day and I will definitely be sharing it! LOL Thank you!

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  46. Ugh. Ick. What were they thinking? “hmmm…..breakfast in a bowl!”. Uh wrong kind of bowl kid!

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  47. GROSS!!!
    LOL!!!

    (OK, so I’m really just mad I didn’t think of doing this first!) :-)

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  48. omg.. gagging..

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    http://tinyurl.com/tcapfox36000 recently posted..http://tinyurl.com/tcapfox36000

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Trackbacks

  1. [...] and seeing the decorated tree,  watching the kids search for that damn elf (also worth noting, the elf absolutely will not be using the toilet this year) is one small way I’m trying to overcome my [...]

  2. [...] elf.  I LOVEed Babies Rabies Inappropriate Elf contest last year. My favorite entry was from Emily at Design Her Mama. (chocolate kiss poopies, because he’s full of magic) /* Pass It [...]

  3. […] that one time I tried that stupid elf thing? Yup, not gonna do it ever again. And the kids are already asking where Edward is […]

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