Last week was last week.

Last week was a whole bunch of stupid weepy bad.

I caution myself to even mention it, feeling like it’s almost something better left in the past and not dug up to remember forever.

Last week brutally reminded me that I am a broken person. My tears flowed freely, and flowed often. I constantly needed help and comfort, regardless of whether I was willing to accept it or not.  Gah, the postpartum process is hard.

Nothing and everything in particular happened last week. Michael had some work travel that took him out of state, and then found himself sick in bed for the remainder of the week. Sick husbands are SO MUCH WORSE than having sick kids. Not that he’s whiny or needs his vomit pail held; but he’s my helper, and my helper needed help. And then my feelings got hurt by something someone said to me, which sent me into a ridiculous and unwarranted tailspin to disaster. And I’ve been having breastfeeding issues, and not getting enough sleep, and I never leave the house or feel like a true human anymore, and NOTHING IN MY CLOSET FITS AND I HATE EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE blah blah blahing….

The “woe is me’s ” were thick last week.

And then in the midst of my irrational out of control spiral into “woe is me-ism”, I decided I was 1000 different shades of a bad mom.  That I was a lost cause that would never change and always be miserably sad. I was destine to be this depressed person that would result in her children eventually turning into adults who hated their geriatric mother. You know, the old person nobody wanted to take care of.

I know, I’m crazy.

In hindsight, I now realize it was a bit of over reacting on my part. But when I was in it, I was IN IT DEEP. It was real, and I was desperate. I was incredibly sad.

Fortunately, I’m on the flip side, of last week (I think).

Today I took Nola and Gage to Sesame Street Live, and I kid you not, I cried happy tears during the opening number. You know, the Sesame Street theme song? As they played the song, the characters would popped out one at a time. Gage would scream with excitement as he recognized each and every furry monster. Seeing my kid with crazy joy on his face, reminded me thing would be ok, and that all is not lost. I mean, if he thinks make believe monsters are cool, clearly there is hope for me.

Ugh.  Have I told you how glad I am that last week is over? Last week sucked, and it’s Ok to admit that.

Comments

comments

Comments

  1. Sounds like it was dot week! I cry every single month and hate everyone every single month and eat myself stupid every single month.

    Put that week in the trash can, you got beautiful babies and hopefully your helper is back on his feet again!

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  2. So sorry you had a week like this!! ~hugs~ i’m so glad you’re coming out the other side and hope I get to see you soon!! If you ever need anything, you let me know lady.
    Sarah recently posted..The Time Warp

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  3. It is definitely okay to admit that…because anyone who has been a mom can relate to all that you just wrote at some point of their journey.

    yay for Sesame Street bringing on the happy tears!

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  4. Sarah Partain says:

    I can really identify with much of what happened to you, and it sucks. I feel like I fight one or more of those thoughts every day. Blechhhh!!!
    I’m glad last week is over for you too and I hope the weeks get better.

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  5. YES! That was me last week, too! Ugh, and I felt it coming on and even predicted everything because I’ve been there so many times before. “I’m going to get pissed when the kids don’t eat what I make for dinner.” Check! “I’m going to be lazy and then make myself feel guilty for not doing anything all day.” Check! “I’m going hate what I see in the mirror… and then keep looking in the mirror overanalyzing each and every detail that I hate.” Check!

    Thankfully, (silver lining) since I’ve been there and could predict it all, albeit not prevent any of it, I was able to give myself a tiny bit of grace. And I’m so glad to be coming out the other side right along with you.

    Nice to know I’m not alone in my random spurts of craptastic feelings.

    Cheers to a new week!

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  6. I can relate I believe this will be my week. I am so glad your on the flip side, hopefully I join you.

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  7. Im so sorry, and have been there too.

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  8. You were overwhelmed, it sounds like. Just pick yourself off and start a fresh day/week. Everyone has those days or weeks or even months when everything seems to hit all at once and it can be exhausting and scary. One of my favorite quotes is this, “When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure”–Peter Marshall. I hope you are feeling better and stronger today!! :)

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  9. Hey Emily! Sorry your week totally sucked! :( We have a common saying around our house, “Thank God tomorrow is a new day.” Here’s to hoping your new day is better and brighter. :)

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  10. Oh yuck. I hate weeks like that. Just horrible. I’m so sorry you had such a hard time and I’m so glad you feel better now.

    Mothers are just so hard on themselves.

    Hang in there!!!

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  11. oh eMILY…i HOPE YOU ARE on the flip side this week.
    totally have been there..
    It will be a better week this week.
    jaime recently posted..late easter post

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  12. oh friend. It’s a new week.

    and just because it’s nice to read once in awhile…You are a GREAT mom. You are doing a WONDERFUL job. And you are CUTE! :)
    Katie recently posted..a new song

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  13. call me next time you’re having another week like that. i promise i could do *something* to make it a bit easier. (like bring you starbucks, or take your kids, or take you out away from your home – alone.)

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  14. I’m sorry you had to go thru a shitty week. We all have that and experience the sadness. Some of us more than others. Just remember to keep reaching out even when it’s toughest and we’ll all be here to carry you forward. Love your blog and you!
    xo

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  15. so, so sorry you had that week. sounds like a perfect storm of icky that landed on your and your family all at once. also very glad that it sounds like you’re starting off with a better week today. i’m out of town now, otherwise i’d stop by to bring you something fun…a pint of ice cream, perhaps?

    if you’re open to having a random visitor like that next week let me know, or if you need to get out of your house i’m also available…and would love to have you and your babies visit.
    sarah recently posted..Wait…I have a blog? Really?

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  16. Yep, you’re crazy. And so are the rest of us (all mothers, for sure, plus a lot of kid-free women too).

    You’re in the thick of it, keep that in mind, and remember that life won’t always be this crazy.
    Katy (KatySheCooks) recently posted..Mama’s Candy

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  17. Kudos and a big thanks for this post and all the women who commented. I think all too often this side of being a mother is unshared. I went through weeks and weeks feeling horrible for having these feelings. Many people tell you it’s okay to feel this way but no one really tells you what it’s like, how dark it can get. I always compared myself to all the other “perfect” mothers and wondered why they were always laughing with perfect babies. But then I realized they weren’t. It’s good to know I’m not alone in this feeling. Thanks again for bringing it up. Sunny days, kicking the clouds away…

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  18. In my experience, the new week always comes at the perfect time.
    Hope this week is better already!

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  19. That’s okay. People around you just annoys you. Just think of it as a challenge. And you have to overcome it.
    Born27 recently posted..Google Talk Conference Call

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  20. It sounds like we had a very similar week! And I am, too, on the upside- almost crazy happy this week, which I’ll take. Because I deserve it. Love to you.

    Steph

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  21. I’m just so glad it is over, for you! I’m over here hoping this week has been MUCH better!! xo

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  22. My last week was pretty awful too. I feel your pain. My mom is taking my 2 year old to see that show next month. I am incredibly sad that I won’t get to be there to see his reactions too. I hope he loves it!

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  23. I don’t have anything original to add other than I’m glad things are looking up, you’re in a really tough season of mothering right now that will get better, and I think you are 100 kinds of awesome (including as a mom). Hope the tulips are helping.
    Angie @ Just Like The Number recently posted..Bruce Is The Boss, Mike Is The Bomb.

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  24. I think everyone one of us has a bad week. And i’m so sorry to hear that you had bad a week. But i’m so happy for you that you feel better now. I wish you all the best in life and have a great week end!
    Heidi19 recently posted..Arowana – a prized investment catch or …

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