Good Moms

Good moms make sure their kids get enough sleep at night, and put them to bed promptly at 7:30pm. NO. This mom puts them to bed promptly at 7:30pm because she’s tired of parenting and has had enough.

Good moms hope that the baby doesn’t get up in the middle of the night, because that means that the baby is growing. NO. This mom is just plain tired of getting up in the middle of the night and would rather sleep than deal with a baby at 3:38am.

Good moms want their babies to take long naps, because naps are healthy, and naps help babies be happy little well rested creatures. NO. This mom hopes her baby will take long naps, because that means she can catch up on laundry, prep for dinner, or vacuum the carpets without the guilt of not holding her baby when he’s awake.

Good moms take their kids to the park because kids love the park and it’s a fun place for kids to hang out. NO. This mom goes to the park so her kids will run and play without asking for a snack every thirty seconds. She goes to the park in hopes that one of her friends will be at the park, and she can get some adult interaction. This mom goes to the park so her kids will run out their energy and go to bed without complaining.

Good moms get up before their kids wake in the morning. She’s showered, dressed, and breakfast is on the table before 7am. NO. This mom has to be woken up by her husband, 20 minutes before school drop-off happens.

Good moms do not drink caffeine throughout the day to stay awake and certainly do not use a glass of wine at night to wind down. NO. This mom always drinks caffeine during the day, and frequently drinks a glass of wine after dinner.

Good moms set up play dates for their kids, because kids love play date, and social interaction is healthy for children. NO. This mom schedules play dates because it means her kids will be entertained and leave her alone for a few hours.

Good moms make sure their kids have plenty of books to read, because reading is learning and learning is good. NO. This mom makes sure her kids have plenty of books to read, because books are a nice quite activity. This mom goes crazy at the noise level in her house and oftentimes locks herself in the bedroom to escape the chaos after dinner is done.

Good moms let their kids make their own lunches, because it teaches independence and kids love to make their own choices. NO. This mom lets her kids make their own lunches because she’s oftentimes too tired to fight with her kids about their food choices.

Good moms enroll their kids in year round school because it provides structure, routine, and cultivates learning. NO. This mom enrolls her kids in year round school because she has two little boys at home and she can’t imagine having all four of them home for 9 weeks straight through the summer.

Good moms take their kids to the zoo/children’s museum/bouncy house place because it’s a fun activity the kids will love. NO. This mom takes her kids places like that because it will eat up a chunk of the day, and get them out of the house for a few hours.

Good moms give selflessly all day long to their children. They never wish for downtime away from their kids, and love being with them every single second of the day. Good moms never have ulterior motives for the things they do with their children. The children of Good moms never act out in public, are never rude to adults, and are always well behaved. Good moms are always happy, never overwhelmed, have houses that are cleaned and organized, and children that are also cleaned and organized.

IMG 0727 Good Moms

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Everyone you know is a Good mom, except for you. You do a lot of things Good moms do, except you do them for the wrong reason, which means you suck at being a mom.

(This was my inner monolog last night while I was trying to fall asleep. I’m just writing it down, not that I want to remember any of it.)

And I know, this Good mom doesn’t exist. Except sometimes I think she does. And I know, I don’t totally suck at being a mom, except sometimes I think I do.

I’m in a “head above water” situation right now when it comes to being a mom. When I’m with my kids, which is all the time, I keep my thoughts to myself and a smile (mostly) on my face. I pray often, that my intentions will shift, and that someday in my mind, I’ll be a  good enough mom.

Comments

comments

Comments

  1. I don’t think there is any mom anywhere who hopes her kid will sleep foremost because it’s just so healthy. I mean, yes, obviously, except NO. You got it right in the end. We do all those things for ALL of those reasons. Except me. I do not do the park. ;)

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  2. Sarah Partain says:

    You are a good mom because your kids are happy, growing, healthy and (mostly) clean. You have four, which is tough but which inspires me in my tough moments with three!

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  3. i think you just wrote what many many moms feel. thanks for sharing openly. i know i agree with many, if not all of those statements!

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  4. I definitely not a “GOOD” mom :-)Hoping that you’ll get some well deserve rest soon,and a long long night of sleep :-)

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  5. I think I could’ve written this. I think I probably have written/thought this many, many times!
    Adella recently posted..Day 121

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  6. This mom, she sounds pretty awesome. and real. and also my twin. :)

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  7. Good Moms don’t leave the baby crying in the crib after a nap because she needs to finish ‘just one more thing’ which turns into another thing and then something that didn’t *need* to be done but that she *wanted* to do. And even if a Good Mom did that, she’d feel guilty about it. But I am sitting here reading your words and listening to her cry and not feeling guilty. (But I probably really should go get her now…)
    Bridget recently posted..Skipping School

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  8. Good Mom also doesn’t loose her shit with the potty training 3 year old pees on the carpet AGAIN. BLAH!
    Bridget recently posted..Skipping School

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  9. Let’s be not good moms together. I’m all about having our kids occupied and having a minute to breathe. Park? My house? You name it.

    PS You ARE an amazing Mama. Truly.
    QuatroMama recently posted..5 Things I’ve Learned as a Boy Mom

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  10. This was so heartfelt and beautiful Emily. I feel the exact same way at all times. I feel like I’m not doing the right thing, other moms seem so much happier. I’m just so grateful you were able to put it all into words so others can see it’s ok to feel this way.
    And those “good moms” that do everything right, are either drunk on wine all day or high on drugs. There is just no feasible way to do it all and enjoy it all!
    Hang in there Emily. I know four kids can be impossible at times. Try to slow down and get dirty and have fun with them. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em I always say. :) xo

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  11. One of these days, we will all stop beating ourselves up and learn to look at all the awesomeness that we are and do for our kids. Right? When you get there, let us know how you did it so that we can follow suit. Mothering is the toughest job in the world–hands down. And, you rock it, so no worries! :)
    Amanda recently posted..Tender

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  12. I don’t even take my kids to the park for “selfish” reasons because that would require wearing a bra and somedays I just don’t get to that part of my day. So instead I throw them outside and say, “Stay alive until your father gets home to watch you.”
    P.S. You ARE a really great mom. Honestly and promisedly. Plus you try to take care of yourselves and your friends. You’re a winner lady.
    Ami recently posted..Scenes from a Monday morning.

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  13. I am a Good Mom, too – JUST LIKE YOU. We all do those good mom things because of the reasons YOU mentioned, you know! I’m so glad to read that my kids aren’t the only ones who constantly ask for a snack when we’re home!

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  14. Hugs. I feel the exact same way.

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  15. ditto. I could have written this. You’re right, this mom doesn’t exist. And if she does, I do not want to be her friend.
    Katie recently posted..Wordless Wednesday

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  16. all my motivations are the same as yours and i have but one tiny baby home with me.

    so there.

    plus? you are awesome.
    Katie recently posted..we promise

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  17. Apparently, I don’t know any Good Moms, only ones like This Mom. And I must say, I am happy about that. I doubt I’d like the Good Moms anyway.

    Our kind needs to stick together, because through it all, we’re pretty darn great!
    punkinmama recently posted..arriving september 2012

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  18. Oh honey, I could have written this same thing, with the heaping side of of 50-hr work week guilt I indulge in every week.

    But I have to say, in the instance ‘good mom’ wouldn’t mean ‘human.’ You are human and a true good mom.

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  19. Are you sure that’s you’re inner monologue, or did you just channel me? I’d like to think we all have those thoughts and feelings, and I’ve seen you in action with Paul. You are a GREAT mom! I have a teenage daughter who would love to babysit, just let me know. We can have caffeine, wine, or you can borrow her and take a long nap.
    Jen recently posted..When you hurt, I hurt too

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  20. I was telling a friend about a reward system we’ve just started at home, with the subtext of “I suck at this parenting thing” and she was all, “Wow, you’re really good at this mom thing.” All about perception. And we are ALL hard on ourselves. I give you very wise words, courtesy of Dory: Just keep swimming. xoxo
    Jen L. recently posted..Mim

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  21. Tricia says:

    Thank you. Seriously. Thank you for this.

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  22. Um, hallefreakinlujah, word and preach it, sista.
    I’m not a Good Mom, but I am a good enough mom. And I do every one of those things too.
    Let’s keep this dialogue open so that we’re not all breaking down every night with a glass(or bottle) of wine about how much we suck.
    Being a mom is harder than hard and we need to talk about it. We need to cut out the mompetition thing, even with ourselves.
    Also? You sound like an amazeballs mom.
    Joules recently posted..Dance Interlude – Grouplove

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  23. If all that stuff makes a sucky mom, then I’m in the Sucky Moms Club too. And I keep trying to tell myself that I’m not in the Sucky Moms Club, ergo you’re not in it either. I like Joules’ idea. I’m continually striving for good enough.
    Nichole recently posted..Things to do with the kids this summer

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  24. All of this sounds very familiar to me. In fact, just last week I asked my husband if we could just go out of town for a couple of days, just so I can have a break from the kids (sadly, we aren’t able to right now, but I hope soon). I love my children, but I am spent at the end of the day. I remember my mom saying this when we were little, “It’s time for you to go to bed, because I’M tired”. I never understood it until I became a mom. By the way, you ARE a good mom.

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  25. Lauren says:

    While I could say “Hooray! It’s not just me that feels this way!”, I won’t, because I know how inappropriate “hooray” is to describe any of those feelings. lol
    I have this battle with myself a lot. The bedtime thing–sometimes we push 7pm because of THIS mom’s inability to cope with parenting even.one.more.minute.
    I am totally with you on this. *hugs* I am always up for those playdates you mentioned…

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  26. Elizabeth says:

    Thank you. Today I really, really needed this.

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  27. You ARE a good Mom, Emily. So very good. But I know what you mean AND how you feel. xo

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  28. Yep, I am totally “this mom”… because you know what? At 7:30 ALL I can think about is how I have had ENOUGH ALREADY and desperately want a glass of wine. ANd I make no secret about it!!
    From what I can tell, you are more than just enough, you are amazing.
    Hope you get some reprieve in some form or another. Sometimes, its such a small thing that makes a huge difference in your survival.
    Hang in there Mama!
    ItsAmy recently posted..Lazy Sunday

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  29. Ummm I thought everyone had ulterior motives all the time.

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  30. Jeline says:

    Moms definitely are sometimes bored, lazy and tired doing some of the things they usually do.. But we really need a break sometime in our life..
    Jeline recently posted..Getting Healthy Today

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  31. OMG I could have written this post myself! I couldn’t wait to be on maternity leave to spend some time home with my toddler and he’s DRIVING ME INSANE!

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  32. You are kidding, right?? :)
    (I was going to say you are f*&^#!ing kidding)
    Is there a standard out there that I never heard of? Someone wrote a Bible on “Good Moms”?
    Guilt is a terrible thing… which we lay on ourselves..(been there, done that)….
    STOP IT, STOP IT…

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  33. Heather says:

    I suffer from anxiety too and am a ridiculous overachiever. My mantra for 2012, and I repeat this to myself everytime I beat myself up over something, is this:

    You can do ANYTHING, but you can’t do EVERYTHING.

    I repeat that a few times, and remember it’s okay not to be perfect. Remember everything you are blessed with.

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