Fact: The girl in the photo below is very happy.
Another fact: She’s happy here too. Weird feather earrings and all.
And even though this photo is a bit out of date, she’s incredibly happy here too.
But what you can’t tell for any of these photos, is that this girl suffers from unexplained anxiety, depression, and sometimes even anger. It’s not a new things, she’s been this way for years.
That many days she literally cannot physically take a deep breath, because her body is too tense and her chest too tight. That even the slightest amount of discourse will send her in a downward tailspin that will within seconds find her with the covers pulled over her head.
And that for every hard day, she’ll have an equally rough night. Insomnia and anxiety attack her at night, often with innocent lyrics to songs that repeat in her brain like a broken record. It sounds like a really silly thing to “suffer” from, but be assured, it’s extremely not funny at all. In fact, nothing is really funny at 3am.
But if there’s one good thing about the girl, it’s that she’s smart enough to know that her behavior and feelings aren’t normal. And she’s present enough to know it isn’t fair to her husband and children to live a life with a wife and mother who cannot “deal”.
Her family is awesome, and they deserve more. She’s taking baby step to find stability.
Small, tiny, barefoot steps.
And like a baby learning to walk, she’ll fall on her (thankfully padded) butt, hit her head on the corner of the coffee table, and oftentimes just prefer to be carried by those stronger than her.
It’s ok, because it’s part of the process, right?
Bear with her, give her grace she doesn’t deserve. She’s mostly a mess.
But at least she knows she’s a mess, so there’s that.