I walk around my house and in every corner of every room, under every chair or table, I find abandoned toys. Lego bricks, tinker toy sticks, lincoln logs pieces, paint chipped hot wheels and little plastic barbie shoes. All the toys, all the places. Yesterday I tried to shove my foot into a boot filled with Playmobil pieces. Everywhere I turn, clutter and disorganization consumes me.
Side tangent: my cat just barfed on my sock. Like, right now, as I was typing this. I now have a pile of kitty vomit to deal with.
Sometimes I fantasizing about walking out of this house with just a few simple possessions so I could avoid dealing with all the crap. I think it would be blissfully liberating to wake up and have the weight of my family’s crap disappear.
And it’s this time of the year the weight of all the stuff is the heaviest, and I can’t help but wish for January. I don’t know what it is, but my mood isn’t exactly merry. My mood is filled with anxiety – anxiety of the mother I think I should be, but am not.
I should want to: buy my kids toys, bake sugar cookies, let them stay up late watching movies, spend money on Christmas decorations, take my children to see Santa/live nativity/singing carols to old people/learn to ice skate.
All these things other mother’s love to do – I suck because I really have no desire.
Remember that one time I tried that stupid elf thing? Yup, not gonna do it ever again. And the kids are already asking where Edward is hiding.
Don’t get me wrong – I love Christmas. But I don’t love my kids making lists a mile long of toys they really don’t need or want. And I don’t love having plans every single night from now until 2014.
I want to just be. Be present, lay low. Snuggle on the couch and read a book with a hot cup of tea. Go with the flow – have room to breath a bit.
Maybe that’s what January is for.
Yesterday a friend asked me if I would be sending out Christmas cards this year. Given that only one of my four children even had a birth announcement sent out, the answer is probably a big fat not gonna happen. But the thing is – I love getting cards! I display them on one of my favorite antique mirrors right next to my guest bathroom off the living room.
So given that it’s better to give than to receive, last night we tried to take a picture for a Christmas card.
You guys, I don’t know how other moms do it. How they manage to keep up with daily life and still manage to fit in all the other awesome holiday stuff.
Ok, I’m done. Gage is on his third showing in a row of a My Little Pony (the movie), I need to clean up cat puke, and Piper has an eye doctor appointment in less than an hour and I have no idea what anyone will be eating for dinner tonight. This is real life, and today there’s no room in the schedule for salt ornament crafts.
Let me know when it’s time to sing Auld lang Syne. I’m ready…
*I promise, I do love Christmas and my children. I just need a nap or something.